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...i'm tired, so just leave a message if you need something from me.
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...i'm tired, so just leave a message if you need something from me.
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he guesses none of them have really cared (even if it takes a bit of context work to get mao from rei's typing), either about what he is or isn't, or who he is - to them, he's only ever been "ritsu sakuma". sleepy and staying on the edges of society, watching and thinking of how he'd never be apart of that; how he isn't allowed to be, the ground much softer and cooler and shadier, the night preferred with its soft moonlight and still air.
and yet
someone grabbed his hand, pulled him to play; regardless of what he says, he's never been ungrateful for the warmth, the excitement. while watching was still more of what he could do, rather than playing, to have someone who would come up to chat to him between games, or brighten up when he'd see him, or be a big, stupid crybaby...
and too
someone pulled him along after that, recognized him as someone outside of a shadow cast by a far more charismatic and likable existence, had him play a part in some ridiculous performance simply because they needed the numbers. and afterward, had found him interesting, had spent time with him as loneliness crept into his heart.
and yes
things had hurt, with both. things had been terrible, but pulling away, attempting to put distance between him (fated for the night) and them (fated for the day) hadn't worked. humanity is so stubborn in keeping the status quo, even as things change and grow. he isn't sure, exactly, how to follow this up either - these are things he acknowledges and knows, despite how much easier it is to fall back to poor habits -
but he'd been trying to get better. to work towards a better knights, to be friends with others, to burden mao less. hadn't he? he had, and just because none of them are here - his reasons for improvement, for being - doesn't mean he should slack off... it doesn't, but out of sight, out of mind, even with them ever present in his aching heart -
ritsu takes care in typing his place of residence's address, tapping send and then a second, equally carefully set of texts: ]
let other people do something too anija
theres a hundred odd of us at least
not to mention those coven people
they can deal with stupid mirror stuff
they want us to help with that infection thing
its dangerous but not so bad with a partner
went out earlier this month with midorin to handle a manticore baby
even someone useless like you could help with that kinda thing
anyway
dont say such older brotherlike things it doesnt suit you just like your hair doesnt
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then comes an address, sudden at first, before the meaning settles in his mind, and then things seem okay. not even okay, maybe; just better, and better than before, and sometimes that's okay enough. )
must all your generosity toward me come with thorns ? though i suppose i'm in no proposition to complain
i quiet like my hair the way it is these days
just as we all try come to like ourselves a little bit better over time
i'll take what you've said and carve it with love into the caverns of my heart
no matter how cruelty you craft your words as daggers into me , i'll treasure always your words and your voice
( which is one thing—one's relationship with one's own self is a difficult thing—but to work with someone else—to have a partner, as ritsu's getting at—that's another, and maybe more difficult, even, than making peace with whatever he is, in this life he'd been born into.
he'll remember it, because it's rare for ritsu to offer him such gifts, even if it sits uncomfortable in his stomach, difficult to digest. )
more processingly
you went to fight one of the creatures out beyond ?
riddle stutter , you do recall i said we're only human , yes?
if icicle ra kin knew he'd go into comma dose shock
did you take care that you were safe during the ordeal? were you injured ?
i thank you kindly for the address i've quiet instantly memorized
i think i'll use this privilege to come by and insurance my darling brother hasn't gotten himself scraped up when he mistook playing in the wilde as playing in the mud as all good boys do
( ok that isn't just a diversion, for real, he is on his way, if you are hurt you are in for a fussing over, mister )
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[ bold terribly typed words for someone who is likely home alone. ]
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( have amused, half sort of a question. it wasn't too long ago in his memory that ritsu wished him dead quite brusquely, but this ritsu is from ... a little later, isn't he? he wonders if their relationship is better then, or if it's gotten worse. )
it wouldn't be strange to die somewhere like this
and words do have power rangers
if you're not careful , maybe o knee chin really will die here ... ?
( this is, slightly guilt trippy, but it's again a sort of inquiry, to see how strongly ritsu feels about the matter. the ritsu he knows... probably wouldn't have it in his heart to back off when barbed so little with such weak words, but this ritsu...? he seems more patient, rei's observed, but it's difficult to tell whether it's due to their circumstances or due to ritsu's growth during some period of time rei had missed (again).
but he isn't dishonest, either. just the day before yesterday, things... had happened, and maybe things could've turned out worse— not that ritsu needs to know. he did want to hug ritsu to feel better, because there's no one he can really talk to it about in good conscience, but maybe it's unfair to use ritsu for his own comfort...? he really is worried about ritsu too, though, and whether he got hurt out in the wilde and isn't saying anything— to rei, at least. )
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and rei has to know it isn't. ritsu curls up tighter, scrapes stinging with the motion - even with the help from that wilder, they sting - and squints at the screen in frustration. ]
then die
[ he doesn't mean it. he rarely really does, in his heart of hearts, but it's buried deep beneath pain and hurt and resentment. their relationship has changed a little, yet has changed little; with other people is another story, but it isn't so easy to let go of silent days spent quietly in the garden terrace, avoiding knights and their fights - preferring being alone to raised voices and the panic of losing more and more people.
even if by then, he'd already lost quite a few. ]
hry up cm hr gt ovr w im trd
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but he knows, too, ritsu—probably—doesn't mean it, and perhaps, optimistically, it might be nice to think ritsu's prickly reply disguises more affectionate emotion. they're brothers, aren't they? )
if my deer ist ruby stuck wants me over so soon then i'll be over postman haste !
( responding normally, as if everything were normal and ritsu hadn't said what he had, as usual. it was an unfair question, anyway, to both of them.
rei's pace is not the quickest, but he's there fairly soon despite it being a brand new location, with the help of a little sweet talking to the locals every few blocks or so— he's as worried about ritsu's potential injuries as he is eager to see his darling brother. (though he does delay arriving to the door by a minute or two, to scope out the sort of housing ritsu's arranged for himself ... acceptable, he decides. he'd still rather ritsu live with him, but this is enough, for now.
and then!! very politely, he knocks on the door (and rings the bell, if there is one). )
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he opens the door, rubbing the back of his neck. ]
You had a shawl or something for me, right?
[ get THAT out of the way. ]
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he also has... a colorful, large box! it has a pretty gothic pattern on it, and also a bright, red bow.
rei lights up when he sees ritsu, naturally. )
Ritsu....! How lovely it is to see you again! I have plenty for you; but if you’re cold, why not let onii-chan warm you up with an embrace? Come, come, let me in; I’ll take care to warm my little brother right up ♪
( ritsu’s only safe from rei making good on that promise Right Now given rei’s hands are occupied with the box. )
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We're good out here, right? Isn't like it's that cold or anything like that. [ especially with how rei's dressed; ritsu's in lighter clothing, but he can get away with longer sleeves given he's inside and can go sleep in the basement-cellar if he wants to. it's very chill down there. ] Actually, it's kinda hot... Anija, you're waaaaaay too resilient. Like a real life cockroach, nothing can get rid of you, huh.
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( he's... thinking of very young children. like little baby pre-K children who use kisses as currency for things like cookies.
so, like, ritsu's age. )
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Thanks for coming, Anija. [ dry as hell. he'll like, extend his hand... you know, for like a handshake, like at a meeting event. ] Yep, yep, I re~ally appreciate your support...
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... even if ritsu's doing it on purpose, he can't help but always so ardently try to remind ritsu he's never stopped loving him or being his brother !!!! he'll never leave him alone again...! )
Must you treat us like we're strangers...!? We're brothers, aren't we? We were just having a fun conversation via phone-like messages as a real family would, weren't we...!? Failing anything else, at least our family resemblance is perfectly undeniable...!
( Checkmate Ritsus )
You really ought to stop putting such strain on this tender, old heart of mine...
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Maybe if you ask really nicely and get on the floor like Maakun would, I'd consider it. [ besides, a little strain on rei's heart is nothing compare to the strain ritsu's had to bear. ] Did you really just call 'em phone-like messages...? Whatever it looks like, that dumb watch thing's a phone, so it's not "phone-like"... They're just texts.